I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
