when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize