So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
