Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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