it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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