hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
