What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
