Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
