having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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