Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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