dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
