Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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