I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
