I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I will be naked everywhere
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
