Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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