Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
