went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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