so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I intend to get homeless drunk
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
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