I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
