The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
