Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize