Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
