a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
All the doctor said was why
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
