I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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