I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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