just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
