Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
