He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
