Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
