Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
