10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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