last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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