the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
