Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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