So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
