its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Oh god it's open bar.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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