Three words: puerto rican gang bang
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
