I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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