Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
