He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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