just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
