then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
