My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
