is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
