I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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