It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
