I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
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