morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
