Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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