If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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