how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
