I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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