The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
