If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I love you.
Bad choice
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