Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
