ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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