never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
