Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
