She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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