well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
