If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
