can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
