so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
