My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize