It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
