I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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