I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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