i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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