she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
two words: eviction party
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize