I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
