bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
