Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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