Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
