what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
