All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
