I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
