Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
