i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
