last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
