the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
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