i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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