Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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