All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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