That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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