im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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