I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
