I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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