I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
