It's like God shit irony all over that family
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize